I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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