Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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