So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
