We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
