At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
