So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
