Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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