Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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