I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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