I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
