If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
