Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
