Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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