Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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