i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
