chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
