Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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