I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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