Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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