3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
