true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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