he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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