booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
