Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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