you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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