Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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