Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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