I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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