How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
