Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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