I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
