i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How external is "for external use only"?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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