I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
