i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
