the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
