So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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