just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
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he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
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You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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