my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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