glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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