She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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