i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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