I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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