I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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