this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
