Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I understand Curling. That high.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
