Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
