i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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