DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
