i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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