You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Small penises have feelings too.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
