You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
