shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
