Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
even my farts smell like vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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