It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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