I am in a vortex of obligation.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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