Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We had to coat check the pizza.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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