??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
