Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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