I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
