You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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