i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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