I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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