sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
