I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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