omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
