hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
