I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
