If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
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She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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